I was just sitting here watching sex in the city the movie and wondering to myself ; how do you know if you are really happy? why are there things that I am not sure about? why does the relationship I'm in seem like its standing still? How do I make my relationship lively and functional again? how can i make myself fell for him the way I did in 1997 how I aSK? Does anyone know the answer to that question does anyone know how to change something that has been in the same spot... I find my self always under the gun with question like do you still love me? do you wanna be with me? and of course I have to sit back and wonder am I lying to this man? Can this relationship be saved? can we get out of this rut? so many questions and no one to answer them for me! I want the butterflies in my stomach I want to wonder is he gonna kiss me.... I want to feel those feelings again. Am I being selfish for dreaming for happiness when I am part of the reason we are masking are true feeling. I have a man that truly loves everything the way that it is, however is very clear about the things that i should be doing to pledge my undivided love for him. I want the little things. I feel like I have lost who I am .... Do I deserve to be happy and how do you go about making yourself happy without destroying the people you care about the most.. I love my man but how do I fall back in love with our relationship?
Something big is missing in me... and has been gone for the longest time. I need to find it desperately, maybe I should work on myself first and get things right in my head and get to know myself again. I am going to school and loving it! I am a mom to 2 beautiful children that I love more then anything in this world, but am I wrong for not liking staying home. I don't like to clean, or cook what am I doing I am making myself miserable. a little something I need to get worked out don't you think. Time to go to bed and think about how to make me a better happier person! I know no one is going to read this kinda like my own online journal of thoughts.
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1 comment:
I wish you still blogged cousin. I do. Even though no one reads, that I know of. lol It helps me see how much I have grown through the past few years.
It was excellent talking to you today! Hope you update this blog someday.
lah yu!
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